All Because of Japan
The long text from your son's teacher.
“We are sad to report he was cheating on a math test. Please speak to him.”
The embarrassment of getting caught.
Despite the defeat on his face, we needed to address it.
While I'm new to this issue
It’s common for kids to cheat
But how do we use this moment to teach and learn from this?
The first question is why?
What's the root issue?
We started by establishing a foundation of communication and trust.
“Josiah, you were caught cheating, did you not understand the work? Or was it a case of being lazy and not wanting to do the work?”
On this day, we found that I may have been a part of the problem.
Earlier this year, we had set a huge goal of promising a trip to Japan to our son.
All he had to do was make the honor roll for 4 quarters.
Sounds like a great idea right?
WRONG.
The pressure was a lot. Although there is nothing wrong with pressure, I think we could have communicated it better.
Our kids don't want to fail us - especially when a $5k trip for the family is based on their performance at school.
Bad idea and irresponsible as a parent.
After making some adjustments, we communicated to our son that cheating and being perfect don't need to happen for him to get honor roll at school.
It all comes down to one thing.
Hard Work.
“Son, you gotta work for it. This goal is gonna take everything you got.”
Here are 3 things to do if your kid cheats:
#1. Start at the root
If we don't have trust, we can never get to the root issue of the problem.
This takes establishing a safe space that makes it clear your child won't be judged for their act. Rather, they can openly talk about why they took the action they took.
Building trust makes getting everything out in the open easier. Not just with issues like this, but as a great baseline for most conflicts with your kids.
#2. Be a role Model
Your kids are watching and if they watch you cheat or cut corners then it often sends a clear message that it's ok to look for the easy way.
Make sure your able to show a model of doing things the right way and not celebrating taking shortcuts or taking the easy way out. Be a model of hard work paying off and earning it.
#3. Follow thru
Communicate and have something in place to help your child understand the consequences associated with cheating. Follow through with some form of action.
In our case, we had our son write his teacher a personal letter apologizing for his actions. Also, 400 lines to remind him of what he won't do next time. It might seem old school, but I promise it's better than beating your child and the fact they have to sit still and write will do all the work you need it to do.
When your child cheats, it’s often a reflection of a deeper issue.